and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
