Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize