i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
