I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
