i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
