I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
