This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
