foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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