She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
