I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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