omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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