why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize