his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
