so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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