She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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