Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
