It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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