the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
