she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
