I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
