she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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