Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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