my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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