My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
