Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
