Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
we should paint friendship bongs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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