I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
