your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
