Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
