I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
