Where is the hickey?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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