the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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