Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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