Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
