i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My dick has a subreddit
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
