my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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