it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
