I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
