goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
