weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
