I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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