Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
