Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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