I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
