My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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