So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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