I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
