her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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