Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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