my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
