apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
