My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
