Jerry, you need to find god
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
