Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
