your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
