I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
