Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just blew my weed a kiss
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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