So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I skipped work to stalk him.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
