Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
