So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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