watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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