Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
