I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
