just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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