I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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