I'm so fucking centered right now
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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