people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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