is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
