He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
