Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
