sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
