Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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