you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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