Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
