This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
