Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we're so committed to being not committed
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
