I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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