I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
