i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
